Inauguration of Academic Year

Today I have my first day of college (or university as you prefer). To be honest I only have PE today, but I don't know what is worse - meaning that I've gained almost 2 (or maybe over 2!) kilos during last few days I spend at home. I was basically sitting on my ass, watching stupid sitcoms and eating, eating, eating. Not sleeping enough, being tired - I managed to eat all kinds of sweets I had in my house. I didn't even go for a walk since I got back from my friend on Wednesday.
While eating junk food, huge awful poxes and blotches started showing their presence on my face. Now, not only am I fat, but also ugly. And it happens I have a PE with the prettiest girl from my  regular classes. How can I make a good impression on anybody with appearance like this?

67 sharp.

Yesterday was not my finest hour, but I made some things to improve my results and today I weigh 67kg. Now I cannot stop. It's not a destiny, it's just one bus stop I had to go through. I have to follow strict rules and maybe in a while I will be able to fit into my grey jeans. Next bus stop for me is 66kg.  During the last three years I managed to go very close to this line, but I've never crossed it. Now I won't stop. It just shows me the way I wanna follow.

Today's plans

Today is a busy day, as I am back home and I have to catch up with a lot of things. I have to go to my school now to hand over some papers, then I guess I have to go home and clean my room, unpack everything after the trip and get ready for an inauguration of academic year. In the evening I have to deliver some things to my friend, I have my association meeting... It will be a busy day and I don't know how I will do with my calorie intake (I've already eaten a piece od white bread, a half pack of dried plums and an apple, I also drank one coffee with 1,5% fat milk), but I plan not to eat after 6 p.m. and go to bed early (tomorrow will also be a tough day). Stay calm!

67,5

I couldn't resist the temptation of weighing myself and it was a mistake, because now I am really disappointed. I weigh 67,5 kg but I was counting on crossing the line of 67 and now it turns out I've only lost 0,5kg. It is so much more then I expected. From tomorrow on I will start counting calories properly. I just don't know how it is possible to lose only 0,5kg when you eat 1100-1300 calories and walk for about 5 hours a day. I can only hope it's due to yesterday's surfeit and my true weight is lower.

Achievements of last week

What I have learned is eating :

-every three or four hours

-rather small portions

-1-kind of food at one time

-simply and mostly raw food

-sipping water all the time 

-200-300 calories at one meal

How I spend that week.

It turned out last week I ate around 1300 calories a day, but I walked quite lot.
I went to my friend for almost a week, she lives in the country so we had to walk a lot. Really. 1 hour to the nearest grocery shop - a lot of walking every day was the best workout for me.
I also tried to eat healthy (1-2 portions of veggies and fruits every day, staying out of chocolate, drinking a lot of water), unfortunatelly today I overstepped my limit because I was on the road, hungry, bored, travelling almost all day. I ate a few trashy snacks, rich in sugar and fat, then at midnight I ate a whole huge bowl of cauliflower and tomatoe salad (with olive oil) so I guess my weigh-in plan for tomorrow sucks.

1 week

Today I am taking up my 1 week challenge.
I won't post anything I guess, I will just try to stay on a diet for a week, without weighing.
I will try to stay on a 1000 - 1200 calorie diet, if I don't make it - 1300-1500.
I WANT to see the results after this week and I can't see them if I check my weight every morning or even more often.

I have to focus on further goals.

67,5

Today I weigh this much - 67,5 kg. It's  not exact because yesterday I ate a big amount of food light in weight but heavy in calories so scale just hasn't showed the real state of things. It was stupid, very stupid and it will upset me in a few days when those calories turn into fat and show their presence on the scale. I am aware of that.

Today I ate a few pieces of crust - how much can that be? 200-300 calories? Not more I hope.
I also drank a coffee with 1,5% fat milk and I will try to eat healthy during the rest of the day. And try not to eat after 5 p.m.

And this is how I would like to look like in some November. Not this year for sure, but maybe some other November. I don't know why, but when I look at this photo, I feel November. A very beautiful one. Like ones I used to enjoy when I was little ;)

I ate only roasted and boiled chicken breast throughout the day, I ate about 400-500g of this white meat and I drank a lot of tea and light coke. I walked a lot, I went for two long walks. Now I weighed myself - 68,7 kg. I am asking - WHAT THE FUCK??!!

I am tired of gaining weight no matter what I do - I had that a while ago and I consider it very unpleasant. Tomorrow evening I am going on vacation - and who the hell knows how much will I weigh when I come back next week... God, I wish I was 67 or 66 now...

68 KILOS - FUCKER!

Two last days - binging and purging. Now 68kg on the scale again.
It is so discouraging - the whole week of strict diet whole week of being hungry, then in only two days - and it's all back.
I am stupid I let it happen, it will be a lesson for me for future.
Yesterday I overate so badly - I ate last thing at 2 p.m. and then I only drank green tea (a lot of it) and I felt hungry only today after noon. I craved for a chicken, so I ate a half of boiled chicken breast (80g), but I was still hungry and I ate another half of roasted chicken breast
(100g maybe, I didn't weigh it).
I've decided I will do a protein day today as I already ate meat on my breakfast and I still have some left for a lunch and dinner.

Ending Day

Today didn't turn out as I planned either.
I didn't eat all those healthy things I had bought yesterday. Instead of that I ate some raw cake during baking muffins, some chocolate and vanilla pudding - tasting if it's sweet enough and stuff like that. Plus I have a sweet tooth. Always.
It's horrible when you're not home and you have to eat what folks treat you with. And when you finally come home you have so much to do and are so busy, just don't have time to eat properly, to prepair balanced meal... If you do not eat well not because you don't want to, but because it's impossible - THAT's depressing when the sun goes down.

67,3 - still! ;)

Despite of evening's overeating today scale showed 67,3 kg - just like yesterday (and I didn't take any laxatives). Pleasant surprise.

Therefore, I decide to take the chance I was given and not to mess up today.
I just ate a huge, healthy breakfast, I couldn't be more full.
I had 220g of raw radish (fresh) mixed with 150g of light cottage cheese which I ate along with a slice of dark bread (and tiny piece of roll before the breakfast - I was very hungry but preparing the meal took me some time). It was all about 260 or 270 calories.
I'll make it 270 calories to be sure.

NO NO NO

Today was a veeeeery very bad day when it comes to eating.
During the day I ate  about 1100-1200 calories, maybe a little more then that, but after 5 p.m. - I overate so badly, I don't even want to write about it. I think I ate everything I could - from fried Camembert in coating with cranberry to kilograms of Belgium Chocolates. Pralines to be precise. Everything. A lot of everything. It was very foolish of me, but I didn't do it since last Saturday and I kind of needed that, I can't stay that long without binging, not yet.
None of my plans worked out, I just sat all day at home, eating.
Now I feel better physically. I even made some fresh healthy groceries for tomorrow.
I am ready to start a strict diet.

Hunger

I don't know how it's possible, but I am hungry again.
I went to the kitchen and I ate a whole grain roll with 100g of soya paste, instant soup and about 50g of dried plums - afraid that it all costed me 600 or even 700 calories and it's barely 1.00 p.m.
Positive thing is that was pretty healthy and soya paste supplies a lot of protein.
I have to go to the shop for some healthy food and to the library to return a couple of books. Maybe I could do some pretty walk on this occasion. Must be careful with food today (2 small meals - lean meat and vegetables?) unless I want to gain this weight back.
I also want to buy this sweet pink mug to remind me of my closest small goal - 67 kg ;)

67,3

I woke up this morning and I decided to weigh myself again. The scale showed 67,3 kg !
So practically I lost 1kg in 3 days. That's really nice. Like I wrote earlier, it's probably because I was walking a lot and I didn't drink at all (I haven't been drinking for about a week now), Unfortunately, I smoked quite a lot during this trip so it will be harder to quit now.

For today's breakfast I had one and a half of big tomato, two or 3 rice cakes with light cream cheese, 2 small fried plums and two coffees with 0,5% fat milk. I don't really feel like counting it now but it could be approximately 250 calories, so rather normal ;)

Trip

I've just got back from 3-day trip with my friends. I went to a capital of Belgium and it was an interesting experience. For last few days I didn't sleep much, we all woke up at 7 went out between 9-10 and we were sightseeing till 9 or 10 o'clock. We ate during the day but I tried to mantain healthy and I didn't eat any wafels or chocolate, no french fries, no croissants, no pain au chocolate... I've tried mussels and calmari once, I also ate one chocolate bar (190 cal) and a Subway Sandwich (double grilled chicken without cheese but with a lot of vegetables and light mayonnaise sauce) today.
On Monday I counted my calories - about 600-700 and a lot of walking.
Yesterday and today I didn't manage to count calories, but I estimate that it was 1200-1400 calories, maybe even a little bit less?
When I weighed myself - 67,9 kg  - could be worse.

Sum in Sum

On my dinner (about 5 p.m.) I ate 100g of boiled chicken breast (180 calories) with 200g of boiled-frozen vegetables (150 calories) and one or two spoons of light cottage cheese (I couldn't believe it was unfresh so I had to check. Couple of times.) - 40 calories?
Then I went for a walk with my friends (it's freezing cold, it's only about 13 C) and we all bought lollipops. I went for an apple flavoured chupa-chups. I was a bit hungry I might add. And when I came home and checked online - surprisingly one has only 50 calories.

So, today I ate about 1050 calories. Maybe it was a little bit more, but not tragically more.

Afternoon

During the day I ate some fresh grapes from my garden (one or two fist portions), 3 fresh plums (but rather small, each one may be 40-50g) and 3 or 4 dried plums. I count it as 250 calories - it shouldn't be more then that.
I also have been drinking mint tea - during this day I had about 4 cups. It has a wonderful flavour and keeps me filled. Also gives me opportunity not to get bored, as I have to go to the kitchen every time I want to make myself one =)
Now I am preparing myself a boiled chicken breast with frozen vegetables.

68,4

I feel like shit although my weight is rather satysfying, because yesterday I took too much Magnesium and I have been experiencing diarrhea since then. It's not very pleasant, I can't normally drink a cup of tea.

At noon I felt very hungry (after 18 hours - that proves how much I ate yesterday) so I prepared myself a huge but healthy breakfast. I ate 200-220g of light cottage cheese (180 calories), 400g of fresh tomatoes (80 calories) with about a half of onion (20 calories) and slice of dark bread (70 calories).

Sum in sum - my breakfast was 350 calories.

...

Today was an awful day. I was failing all the time and I didn't focus on a diet but on less important things that depressed me.
I have to be taugh and stayed focus on myself and getting better. Leave the past in the past.
I binged and puked around 6 o'clock. I ate those chocolates and fried camembert, some sandwiches, fried potato cakes... a lot of different things. And I felt so bad, not only my stomach was aching (as it was distended) but also my head... Yesterday it was the same. I  overate so badly I had a headache. It suprises me and scares at the same moment that eating affects my body in so much different ways.

I went for a decent walk though and I even got a little bit tired, but still awfully stuffed and this fucking food is rebounding in my stomach.

Importance of a Breakfast

I used to think this talk about "breakfast is the most important meal of a day" is just a bullshit - because why the first meal?

Now as I've given this a little more thought, I am close to riddle it.
When you don't actually start from START, start from zero, you feel discouraged. At least I feel discouraged as I don't know how many calories I have used. I feel like out of control and it feels negligible to maintain diet.

Like today. I should never have eaten those cupcakes-fillings or at least I should have tried to count them. After that I felt like "oh, I don't know how many calories I had taken and as I can't realy count them accurately, why bother anyway?"
The worst method ever. You have to eat healthy and COUNTABLE breakfast so you have a positive attitude and you feel like you've started a diet already and you don't want to mess up. And this gives you energy to keep going!

68,5

The fall is cooooooming!
I weigh 68,5 kg so I have one week to lose 2,5 kg if I want to achieve my first goal in proper time.
I had that friend once and I don't want to see him until I lose weight and he can see what has he missed and what is out of his range now. He has obviously moved on, so should I. And he should see that. So THAT's why I want to lose weight. To prove myself that all that drama is behind me. With all those kilograms I want to lose embarassing and painful memories. I want to be a new person without superfluous baggage and expendable kilograms. I want to start my real life. My new life as a new person.

Shame

I feel so ashamed... I did so well lately and yesterday - I made those fucking cupcakes for my friend, as a thank you gift, but she couldn't show up. So after this horrible day, when everything - literally EVERYTHING went wrong, I ended alone with whole box of cupcakes. Firstly, I stayed strong, but when I woke up in the middle of the night, I just came down and picked out the pudding and chocolate from those muffins, but then - I told myself "what the hell" and I ate like 5 or 7 of them? And I added marmolade. Then I consumed two huge slices of white bread with pate... And 2 small chocolates with pumped rice (about 270 calories per one). It was just when I woke up, I still felt pretty unconscious and there was no one to stop me... I feel so ashamed.

68.4 kg - FINE! =)

Yes, it's almost 3 p.m. and I weighed myself second time now - 68,4 kg! ;)

I made those cupcakes but they are not as good as they supossed to, they're to flat and burned =/
Sadly, you know what it is like. You always check if the cake is sweet enough, if the consistency is right and so on... You always taste something and those calories don't really go to vain - they go to your body. And turn into fat. So as I ate this raw cake and two squares of chocolate, I didn't have a proper breakfast. 

Anyway, I have to eat healthy lunch and dinner now to compensate my body that unhealthy stuff. 
Then I am going to the theatre with my friends and I will try to go for a long, intensive walk =) 

 

Setting First Goal

I wanted to share one more thing with you - I've set my first goal.
I read some blogs about losing weight and sites supporting people who are on a diet and they all have this plan - goals and rewards for achieving them. Every site says there are suppose to be small steps - 2-3 kg.
I've set my first goal - 66kg. When I achieve it, I am buying myself a new bag. A big bag. I haven't bought a big bag (like a school bad) since May 2011. And I received one from my sister last October. I know it may cost a lot, but I am prepared for that. I was hoping I will achieve my goal by 15th of September, but if it takes longer than this - well, I will just have to deal with it.
Now I have to go and bake some thanksgiving cupcakes :)

68,7

Yesterday I ate more than I should, I ate some walnuts and some chocolate (but normally I would ate 2 bars of chocolate, a cake and few candy bars and today I ate 4 squares of chocolate and 2 Kinder Eggs). I think I ate about 1800 -2000 calories ( 1 Kinder Egg - 110 calories, I chcecked), and probably 1/4 calories come from unhealthy food - such as chocolate or instant soup.
In the evening I went for a walk (about an hour and a half of quite fast walking).
I've just weighed and the scale shows 68.7 kg -  0,1kg more than yesterday. It means that my weight fluctuates, but not as considerably as it used to.
I think I overdid yesterday as I have my period and I feel like something to eat all the time, but from now on - I hope to be back on the track.

68,6 kg

This much I weighed in the morning.
For a breakfast I had 250g of radish mixed with 200g light cottage cheese and 3 rice cakes - 260 calories.
3,5 hours later I was hungry again and the only thing I had close at hand was chocolate milk - about 180 calories.
Unfortunately, when I came back home I ate a bunch of stuff I didn't plan to - like a slice of white bread, a slice of plaited bread, 2 huge fresh plums, a pickle... maybe even more, I don't remember. The only positive thing is I stopped at this point, made myself a huge mug of green tea, went upstairs and made myself busy with other things. 
I didn't overeat horribly and I didn't puke, so if I eat a light dinner maybe everything will be fine :)

Summarize

Yesterday I wasn't mistaken - @ came. Last evening was quite good, I didn't drink alcohol - although I allowed myself a big bottle (0,7 or 0,8l) of Powarade and a lollipop :)
And on my dinner I ate 170g chicken breast roasted in the oven and some lettuce with yoghurt dressing. I think I stayed below 1200 calories (the lollipop was smaller then average).
Oh, and as I didn't drink even one beer, I drank a coffee with 12% fat cream.
I start to wondering - 1 Powerade + 1 lollipop + 1 coffee with cream = 1 beer. Or maybe beer has less calories than all of this together, so I didn't really save any.

Party Time!

I thought I will spend my evening at home, reading book and sipping tea, (especially since @ has made an appearance) but my friend called and she is throwing a little party. She said it will be kind of sitting one, but still - as 4 of my good friedns are coming too, I'm  very excited to go :) I don't feel like drinking today and I am supposed to be home by midnight but still... I am happy to see them !

Lunch

I have made myself a type of lunch I haven't eaten since school ended in April or even earlier.
I chopped 220g of fresh radish, I add quite lot of salt (unhealthy, I know) and mixed it with 200g of light cottage cheese. I left it in the fridge for 15 minutes so cottage cheese could take a flavour from radish. Firstly I planned to eat this with a slice of dark bread, but it was so much this radish-cheese, I've decided to bail on bread for now. Although I ate a half of small apple - all together it's 240 calories :)

69.5 after breakfast

I ate an yoghurt (light) with 25g of muesli on by breakfast - about 190 calories :)
Then I drank a mug of green tea. Scale showed 69.5 which is almost 1 kg more than few days ago and I wasn't doing THAT bad...
But after that I went to the bathroom... I think @ is coming! It shouldn't, it has only been two weeks since last time... But my breasts are definitely bigger and I think I'm a little bit swollen - I hope this weight is because of period, not because of me.

...

Today I have so much things to do. Yesterday I overate horribly. Now I drank a mug of warm water with lemon. I don't have an eating plan for today. Although I promised myself I will work out at least for 40 minutes - to burn 400-500 calories. I want to eat clean today. I suppose to weigh 66 kg by the end of the next week and now - it doesn't seem like it. I have to work out hard those few days while I am still at home. And stop with giving myself treats! You deserve better!

Crash

Today I binged first thing in the morning. I was miserable and tired and I let myself go. Unfortunately. Firstly I wanted to do a Joker Day but after a while I was overeaten it practically hurt. So I ate even more and then throw up most of it. Hopeless I guess, but on the other hand - 5 days is a lot too.

Today I will try to stick to my diet and tomorrow morning- at least 40 minutes of exercising and 1000 calorie diet strict. It has to stop and I have to start my own path.

5th Day without Binge

Today is my fifth day withoun binging and purging, I feel quite good about it as far. Today I had a moment of disbelief but it didn't last long and I didn't give in.
I've treated myself with w lot of fresh vitamines - I ate two apples and about 400 or 500 g of boiled vegetables. Oh, and a fresh cucumber with a little bit of cream.
I think I will have a light cottage cheese with fresh radish and a slice of dark bread or a slice of dark bread with an egg and fresh spinach.
Then I am going to a haridresser to have my fringe fixed :)
And after that I have this little gathering with a bunch of my highschool friends. I am not planning on drinking bear or anything though. I hope I can stick to this decision ;)

68,7 :(

I am disappointed because today I stayed under 1000 calories and walked quite fast for more than half and hour, I drank 3 huge mugs of tea... And in the evening - I weighed 68.8 kg. Now it's only 100g less. I don't know what is happening :)

Maybe I should start jogging or cycling to burn some fat... And I probably shouldn't weigh myself so often. Well, I will try to stay on my track and stay focused on my goal (first one is 67,5 kg and I've decided to reward myself with going to the cinema - "Your Sister's Sister").

I hope I will maintain my diet today ;)

AND HERE IS A 

PERFECT BODY

Ending of the Day

On my dinner I ate grilled salmon (180g) and some lettuce with yoghurt dressing and after that I drank one mug of coffee with 1,5% fat milk (but I do 4/5 mug of coffee and only about 1/5 - sometimes 1/4 mug of milk, so it's not that much) and one big mug of tea. As I checked online - it should be below 400 calories ;)

After that I went for a walk with my friend and we strolled for about an hour and a half, after that I walked fast for a 20 or 30 minutes. Now I have prepared myself another tea and I don't think I will eat anything else today. I am boiling eggs for tomorrow :)

My lowest weight this summer was 68,4 or 68,2 kg - I don't remember. Anyway, I want to cross this line. I don't have any deadline (as far), I just want to get better and better and never  ever stop.

Afternoon

I had  a lunch at 1.30 - I ate two slices of dark bread with two boiled eggs, some fresh spinach and lettuce - no butter or anything like that - 320 calories.

Then I went to my friend (short, fast walk) I drank a mug of coffee with 3,2% fat milk (but there wasn't a lot of it). I also ate  quarter of an apple - so it's another 80 calories.

No I'm already a little bit hungry (to be honest, more then a little bit) and I'm about to grill myself a huge piece of salmon. I don't know how many calories that would be, but firstly - it's very healthy, secondly - those are mostly proteins and unsaturated fats, so it improves metabolism, thirdly - today I have eaten about 550 calories so far, so even if this salmon costs me 700 calories - there is no huge devastation ;)

68,9 :)

Although I heven't been counting calories last few days, I definitely ate healthier and didn't binge so here are some small effects ;)

I should intake a little bit more calories, mostly coming from proteins, but I think I don't have any white meat in my house. So maybe tomorrow. You know, I've read it's good to eat different amount of calories from time to time in order to boost your metabolism, as your body has to challenge those extra calories.

I've already eaten light cottage cheese with one rice cake and two mugs of flavoured tea - 140 calories.

After noon I am planning to eat a lunch - one or two sandwiches with dark bread, boiled eggs and lettuce. Then I may go to the shop and buy some chicken breast to grill or boil it. If not - I will eat groats with fried or stewed vegetables. I am a boss now.

First Night at Home

Today I am going for a walk with bunch of my girls and I won't drink alcohol :)

I ate a whole bowl of lettuce with tomatoes, red pepper, fresh cucomber and onion. It was with olive oil and a lot of garlic. I know I'm not supposed to eat fat, but olive oil is healthy. I also ate a cereal bar and scrambled eggs (1 egg+ 2 egg's whites) with some milk instead of butter or oil. Then I drank a cup (a mug actually) of coffee with 1,5% fat milk.
I am quite pleased with my today's menu. I weighed myself today during the day and it was 69.4 kg :)

The nasty thing is that during last 3 days I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes. A little bit of drama since Thursday's party, but I am trying not to focus on it. So I guess I will go buy another pack right away.