Everything is even harder as my bestfriend is so beautiful...
4/22/14
@@@
I have my @ so I do not weigh myself because that only makes me sad and I know I have gained weight and I am fat. Yesterday I didn't sleep practically at all and I had to wake up at 5 o'clock cause at 7 I had to be downtown ready to work (shift from 7 to 16). Today I have both classes and errands to do... I am so tired and I eat so fucking much, and so fucking much sweets. I hate myself for that. I have to get a grip cause I feel like shit.
Everything is even harder as my bestfriend is so beautiful...
Everything is even harder as my bestfriend is so beautiful...
4/21/14
61,1 - back again
Hi everyone :)
Lately I had some problems with proper eating and I gained weight again. It sucks. Last few weeks were terrible, I was sad, I ate all the time, I consumed a horryfying amount of sweets, I binged and purged on a regular basis - like everyday. But it has to stop. And it has to stop now. I've been stucked on that level for too long. I cannot say I am awfully miserable with my current figure but it's not what I aimed for. I wanted to see 50,0 on a scale before I turn 21. And I don't have much time left.
50,0 kilograms. It's a goal to achieve. Like anything else. To prove myself (and others as well) that I can. Maybe I don't have to, but I want to know that I am able to. Like getting into the best university. No one said I am gonna study there, but it's pure satisfaction to be accepted. And I want to feel that "being thin" feeling again. I may be average now, but after all these years of being covered with fat, I want to know how it feels to be skinny. Or slender at least.
And well, that blog has really helped me in managing weight so far, so I am coming back. And I will be posting more regularly. I promise to make it one of my priorities in the morning.
61,1 is a big number. It's a sad number. But I will beat it.
Lately I had some problems with proper eating and I gained weight again. It sucks. Last few weeks were terrible, I was sad, I ate all the time, I consumed a horryfying amount of sweets, I binged and purged on a regular basis - like everyday. But it has to stop. And it has to stop now. I've been stucked on that level for too long. I cannot say I am awfully miserable with my current figure but it's not what I aimed for. I wanted to see 50,0 on a scale before I turn 21. And I don't have much time left.
50,0 kilograms. It's a goal to achieve. Like anything else. To prove myself (and others as well) that I can. Maybe I don't have to, but I want to know that I am able to. Like getting into the best university. No one said I am gonna study there, but it's pure satisfaction to be accepted. And I want to feel that "being thin" feeling again. I may be average now, but after all these years of being covered with fat, I want to know how it feels to be skinny. Or slender at least.
And well, that blog has really helped me in managing weight so far, so I am coming back. And I will be posting more regularly. I promise to make it one of my priorities in the morning.
61,1 is a big number. It's a sad number. But I will beat it.
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