Still the same weight as the last time but it is 1st of December and I am really starting to work on myself. New Year's Eve is close!
12/1/14
59,8
Hey!
Still the same weight as the last time but it is 1st of December and I am really starting to work on myself. New Year's Eve is close!
Still the same weight as the last time but it is 1st of December and I am really starting to work on myself. New Year's Eve is close!
11/22/14
59,8 kg
Heeeeey,
I ve been such a mess lately. I can't go down to this "57" that I once weighted but at least I am back on the right track again. I walk a lot, I am trying to stay out of sweets... We will see. But I definitely hate it when I am over 60 kilograms; I ve crossed that line lately and it was awful...
Today I am sharing more than one photo of gorgeous Serena cause I want to finally get rid of them and start a new "chapter" of my blog :)
I ve been such a mess lately. I can't go down to this "57" that I once weighted but at least I am back on the right track again. I walk a lot, I am trying to stay out of sweets... We will see. But I definitely hate it when I am over 60 kilograms; I ve crossed that line lately and it was awful...
Today I am sharing more than one photo of gorgeous Serena cause I want to finally get rid of them and start a new "chapter" of my blog :)
10/19/14
59,7
Okay, so it is a little bit better but I must admit I puked yesterday and I ate very little on Friday. I have to lose this fat on my stomach cause the guy I am dating started to make fun of it everytime when we are in bed and it is becoming really annoying. I have to do something about it cause he really finds a satisfaction in me being unattractive. Maybe I should just not see him this week, only on the weekend or the next week and do it only when I look sexy again. Which is, in 2,7 kg.
10/16/14
60,7 kg
I don't know, I just saw it... I didn't have a scale for almost 2 months and that is what happens... Fuck, fuck, fuck! It is almost 4 kilograms and I've been here only for 1,5 month! Shhhhhit! That is what happens when you don't control yourself and don't note down things and you eat sweets, even if you don't swallow it apparently! It is disgusting, there is practically fat floating inside my body.
I have to take control; I have to stop that NOW!
I AM COMING BACK TO YOU, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SUPPORT ME! I don't have anyone else now...
I have to take control; I have to stop that NOW!
I AM COMING BACK TO YOU, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SUPPORT ME! I don't have anyone else now...
8/2/14
58,9
Yesterday I didn't run cause it was raining, but I went cycling for about 1,5hour - I was really tired! I have a feeling that my thighs look a little bit better already, haha ;) I also avoided b&p yesterday, so I am very proud of myself ;)
I got below 59, wo-hoo! It's already becoming harder and harder to lose weight, every 100g is challenging. It is worth though of course. When I lose 4 more kilograms it will be like, 20kg change comparing to what I was 2 years ago? Now I know that every pound counts.
I got below 59, wo-hoo! It's already becoming harder and harder to lose weight, every 100g is challenging. It is worth though of course. When I lose 4 more kilograms it will be like, 20kg change comparing to what I was 2 years ago? Now I know that every pound counts.
8/1/14
59,2
Hey!
Yesterday was a bad day, I ate a lot in the morning and it ended in toilet. But I also tried to eat a lot of fresh veggies and it is good to boost your digestive system from time to time. I also went for a short run (like really short - around 10-15min of running and then I just walked - but I really didn't feel well enough to work harder.) I will try again today. I will be trying every day because persistence is the most important!
Today I am going to eat a lot of cottage cheese with fresh radish and I will avoid sweets for the rest of the day. And I want to go for a run. And for a walk. And I have so much cleaning to do!
I hope tomorrow it will be all better and maybe, maybe at the end of this week scale will show 58 in the front, it would be so great...
Yesterday was a bad day, I ate a lot in the morning and it ended in toilet. But I also tried to eat a lot of fresh veggies and it is good to boost your digestive system from time to time. I also went for a short run (like really short - around 10-15min of running and then I just walked - but I really didn't feel well enough to work harder.) I will try again today. I will be trying every day because persistence is the most important!
Today I am going to eat a lot of cottage cheese with fresh radish and I will avoid sweets for the rest of the day. And I want to go for a run. And for a walk. And I have so much cleaning to do!
I hope tomorrow it will be all better and maybe, maybe at the end of this week scale will show 58 in the front, it would be so great...
7/30/14
59,7
Hey ho,
I stopped taking laxatives, I don't puke that much - it is quite good. Weight isn't that bad either.
I try to eat half of my meals healthy; like a cottage cheese with radish; grilled chicken; fish soup - I am trying to avoid carbs, I let myself eat sweets in the morning though :D
Unfortunately, I started smoking again but I will try to cut on it soon. I generally feel pretty good:) Have to dash now, but keep you posted!
I stopped taking laxatives, I don't puke that much - it is quite good. Weight isn't that bad either.
I try to eat half of my meals healthy; like a cottage cheese with radish; grilled chicken; fish soup - I am trying to avoid carbs, I let myself eat sweets in the morning though :D
Unfortunately, I started smoking again but I will try to cut on it soon. I generally feel pretty good:) Have to dash now, but keep you posted!
7/24/14
60,4
Oooookay, so a lot has been happening last months and I was too busy to be able to write here, although I have been promising to myself that I would. Especially last two months and one person by whom these two months were owned. But this person is gone now, far, faaar away and I will probably never see her again in my life. This thought makes me very sad and nostalgic and it was really hard for me to deal with it.
That is why I want to focus on myself and my diet again. Focus on getting closer to perfection, the closest I can get. To achieve everything that I have planned or I only will plan in the future. I want to be this perfect girl; for myself. I don't care how much it is going to take, how much it is going to take from me but I am willing to give it. Whatever it takes. I am ready to fight this battle now.
That is why I want to focus on myself and my diet again. Focus on getting closer to perfection, the closest I can get. To achieve everything that I have planned or I only will plan in the future. I want to be this perfect girl; for myself. I don't care how much it is going to take, how much it is going to take from me but I am willing to give it. Whatever it takes. I am ready to fight this battle now.
4/22/14
@@@
I have my @ so I do not weigh myself because that only makes me sad and I know I have gained weight and I am fat. Yesterday I didn't sleep practically at all and I had to wake up at 5 o'clock cause at 7 I had to be downtown ready to work (shift from 7 to 16). Today I have both classes and errands to do... I am so tired and I eat so fucking much, and so fucking much sweets. I hate myself for that. I have to get a grip cause I feel like shit.
Everything is even harder as my bestfriend is so beautiful...
Everything is even harder as my bestfriend is so beautiful...
4/21/14
61,1 - back again
Hi everyone :)
Lately I had some problems with proper eating and I gained weight again. It sucks. Last few weeks were terrible, I was sad, I ate all the time, I consumed a horryfying amount of sweets, I binged and purged on a regular basis - like everyday. But it has to stop. And it has to stop now. I've been stucked on that level for too long. I cannot say I am awfully miserable with my current figure but it's not what I aimed for. I wanted to see 50,0 on a scale before I turn 21. And I don't have much time left.
50,0 kilograms. It's a goal to achieve. Like anything else. To prove myself (and others as well) that I can. Maybe I don't have to, but I want to know that I am able to. Like getting into the best university. No one said I am gonna study there, but it's pure satisfaction to be accepted. And I want to feel that "being thin" feeling again. I may be average now, but after all these years of being covered with fat, I want to know how it feels to be skinny. Or slender at least.
And well, that blog has really helped me in managing weight so far, so I am coming back. And I will be posting more regularly. I promise to make it one of my priorities in the morning.
61,1 is a big number. It's a sad number. But I will beat it.
Lately I had some problems with proper eating and I gained weight again. It sucks. Last few weeks were terrible, I was sad, I ate all the time, I consumed a horryfying amount of sweets, I binged and purged on a regular basis - like everyday. But it has to stop. And it has to stop now. I've been stucked on that level for too long. I cannot say I am awfully miserable with my current figure but it's not what I aimed for. I wanted to see 50,0 on a scale before I turn 21. And I don't have much time left.
50,0 kilograms. It's a goal to achieve. Like anything else. To prove myself (and others as well) that I can. Maybe I don't have to, but I want to know that I am able to. Like getting into the best university. No one said I am gonna study there, but it's pure satisfaction to be accepted. And I want to feel that "being thin" feeling again. I may be average now, but after all these years of being covered with fat, I want to know how it feels to be skinny. Or slender at least.
And well, that blog has really helped me in managing weight so far, so I am coming back. And I will be posting more regularly. I promise to make it one of my priorities in the morning.
61,1 is a big number. It's a sad number. But I will beat it.
3/9/14
59,8
Lately everything has been quite rocky. Studying, partying, not eating, drinking and smoking; then binging and purging... Not sleeping enough. Thinking about this guy. Everyday. I don't know what I feel or what I want anymore... I'm confused. I'm lost.
My weight is fluctuating, it was like 61,7 yesterday morning. I want to start running again, but it's freezing outside in the evening. I want to start eating normally again, although it's hard after more than a month of this starving/drinking/binging/purging cycle.
I don't know what is happening in my head or my heart right now.
My weight is fluctuating, it was like 61,7 yesterday morning. I want to start running again, but it's freezing outside in the evening. I want to start eating normally again, although it's hard after more than a month of this starving/drinking/binging/purging cycle.
I don't know what is happening in my head or my heart right now.
2/12/14
59,3
Wohoa. Great. Normally I would jump around a house out of joy, but it doesn't matter any more (at least for now.) I just don't give a fuck right now, it doesn't matter because he can't see me and what is more important I can't see him. And I miss him so much. Last time we saw each other - 6th of January... What the fuck is wrong with me? Guy partly was great and sweet; partly - treated me like a whore and I kind of fall for that...
Not-eating is the only thing that helps me not feeling like a total shit. It kind of gives you a power - not eating, not purging; like other people cannot really hurt you because you're in control (bla bla bla "it's not true" - but it is. As long as feeling is subjective.) I don't wanna fall apart. I cannot afford it mentally. Not now. Not helpless. Not with him. I just wish he hugged me. Kissed me. Made me feel pretty and attractive. Made me feel I am worth something. Made me feel special.
Well, maybe I am not.
Not-eating is the only thing that helps me not feeling like a total shit. It kind of gives you a power - not eating, not purging; like other people cannot really hurt you because you're in control (bla bla bla "it's not true" - but it is. As long as feeling is subjective.) I don't wanna fall apart. I cannot afford it mentally. Not now. Not helpless. Not with him. I just wish he hugged me. Kissed me. Made me feel pretty and attractive. Made me feel I am worth something. Made me feel special.
Well, maybe I am not.
2/10/14
60
Yep, finally 60 sharp.
But I don't feel any satisfaction.
Besides, I've been drinking/getting myself stoned constantlu during last 3 days and I don't feel good about it. I also started smoking cigarettes again. I don't have anyone to care about this cause the guy I've been hanging out lately turned out to be a real jerk simply interested in sex and when I had a problem and just wanted to talk to somebody, well... he vanished. Doesn't read my messages on facebook, while he does, not responding, he doesn't text back on my texts ( I mean I'm not some crazy person that stalks him 24/7, although I think about him that much, but this situation lasts you know, for two weeks... like seriously who am I kidding and why am I doing a fool out of myself'; I know he doesn't care its just I care for him not caring...and it sucks and it hurts.) I am an idiot who falls for inappropriate guys, now I am just a 60-kilogram-idiot-who-falls-for-inappropriate-guys.
But I don't feel any satisfaction.
Besides, I've been drinking/getting myself stoned constantlu during last 3 days and I don't feel good about it. I also started smoking cigarettes again. I don't have anyone to care about this cause the guy I've been hanging out lately turned out to be a real jerk simply interested in sex and when I had a problem and just wanted to talk to somebody, well... he vanished. Doesn't read my messages on facebook, while he does, not responding, he doesn't text back on my texts ( I mean I'm not some crazy person that stalks him 24/7, although I think about him that much, but this situation lasts you know, for two weeks... like seriously who am I kidding and why am I doing a fool out of myself'; I know he doesn't care its just I care for him not caring...and it sucks and it hurts.) I am an idiot who falls for inappropriate guys, now I am just a 60-kilogram-idiot-who-falls-for-inappropriate-guys.
2/6/14
60,4
Hi:) End of my examination period for now, I weight 60,4kg today which is pretty nice. I haven't enrolled to the gym yet, but I've downloaded application "StepTracker" and I want to just walk for now (wating till my friend comes back from her holidays so we can hit the gym together.) I have so much to do, so many things - lately I simply didn't have time to eat, I hope I won't just sit on my butt and eat now as I have my holidays, that would be awful.
I am trying not to eat bread and sweets (except from lollipops) and it is the third day without binging. I like being busy, I don't feel like crap when I do a lot of stuff and I don't feel the need to binge. Do you binge out of boredom or when you feel hopeless or what? I think this is my case. So for now, I am trying not to binge and walk a lot. And eat little. We'll see how it's gonna work out :)
I am trying not to eat bread and sweets (except from lollipops) and it is the third day without binging. I like being busy, I don't feel like crap when I do a lot of stuff and I don't feel the need to binge. Do you binge out of boredom or when you feel hopeless or what? I think this is my case. So for now, I am trying not to binge and walk a lot. And eat little. We'll see how it's gonna work out :)
2/2/14
60,8 again
Hi, I'm in the middle of my examination period (actually tomorrow and the day after I have two last exams but one of them is horrible). I am honestly planning to enroll to the gym once I finish my exam session. Latetly not doing so great with food, I binge once a day usually (but the good thing - it all takes me from 30minutes to 1,5 hour - not 3 or 4 hours like it did. I don't want to waste so much time on food.) Yesterday I went for a walk, it was so nice... I was strolling for more than hour, because it wasn't that freezing (last few days the temperature varied between -10 and -17 degrees Celsius.) Well, I have to go study now, hope that I beat that weight next week. I want to go below 60 kilograms so much!
1/24/14
60,8
I was like "wow" when I saw it :)
It's mostly because I just didn't eat yesterday so I guess it's a bit of dehydration but still- so nice to see this numer. I've promised myself that when it's 60 I will post b/a photos. I am constantly sleepy these days as I have my examination period and really a lot of study to do, we will see how it goes. Massive amount of work ahead of me but I am very pleasant about my weight so far ;) I know many people may not share this opinion, but for me it starts looking optimistic;)
It's mostly because I just didn't eat yesterday so I guess it's a bit of dehydration but still- so nice to see this numer. I've promised myself that when it's 60 I will post b/a photos. I am constantly sleepy these days as I have my examination period and really a lot of study to do, we will see how it goes. Massive amount of work ahead of me but I am very pleasant about my weight so far ;) I know many people may not share this opinion, but for me it starts looking optimistic;)
1/12/14
61.5
Yes, the lower weight again, thank God.
I do not work out, just being busy and not eating enogh which is rather inappropriate... But it works, at least for now. I am wondering for how long :) I am going to enroll to the gym though, as soon as I finish stuff for my studies, exam session etc. :) hope I will manage everything, but if not... Well, I will be trying. I may have been going out with one guy lately; but he's an idiot so he doesn't really count. It is out of boredom and I know he shares my approach (well, he just wants to fuck me for some reason, and I haven't decided if I want that too yet.) Busy busy busy - don't really have much time for binging and purging, too much work to do, to many essays to write ;)
Oh, this is the time to go to University. So see you later :)
I do not work out, just being busy and not eating enogh which is rather inappropriate... But it works, at least for now. I am wondering for how long :) I am going to enroll to the gym though, as soon as I finish stuff for my studies, exam session etc. :) hope I will manage everything, but if not... Well, I will be trying. I may have been going out with one guy lately; but he's an idiot so he doesn't really count. It is out of boredom and I know he shares my approach (well, he just wants to fuck me for some reason, and I haven't decided if I want that too yet.) Busy busy busy - don't really have much time for binging and purging, too much work to do, to many essays to write ;)
Oh, this is the time to go to University. So see you later :)
1/11/14
61,9
Of course I got sick after the New Year and I stayed in bed for more than a week, now I have so much stuff to do for school that I don't have time for anything else. Including working out. The good thing is I have been smoking less since the begining of new year. Approximately 2 packs in those 10 days... Yesterday I smoked one light cigarette and today, so far, none. Maybe I will quit totally, but for now I am enjoying these small steps like "a day without a cigarette" ;)
Weight, well, not so thrilling, although it could have been worse and I do not give up.
I am trying to cut down on sweets (and binging in general), once again - small steps. I hope that I go down to 60kg soon, but I have bigger things to worry about now - like my studies and exam session. Awful, really, really awful. But small steps. With everything.
Weight, well, not so thrilling, although it could have been worse and I do not give up.
I am trying to cut down on sweets (and binging in general), once again - small steps. I hope that I go down to 60kg soon, but I have bigger things to worry about now - like my studies and exam session. Awful, really, really awful. But small steps. With everything.
1/1/14
=upgrade=
Yep, I couldn't do it... I have totally no condition, I don't know what I was thinkin... I am barely breathing after cycling for 25 minutes and burning 200 calories... Seriously, what came to my mind?
I am in an awful shape, I didn't work out since... summer I guess? July. And I've smoking a lot and last month - I wasn't even walking... Just sitting on my ass all day. I will have to change it in this new year. Well, I will go for a walk in the evening and next week... hopefully I will have the courage to hit the gym ;)
I am in an awful shape, I didn't work out since... summer I guess? July. And I've smoking a lot and last month - I wasn't even walking... Just sitting on my ass all day. I will have to change it in this new year. Well, I will go for a walk in the evening and next week... hopefully I will have the courage to hit the gym ;)
New Year and 61,6 once again :)
Yes, today I woke up at 8 o'clock and I went down to the hallway to weigh myself - 61,6 :) That actually provides quite good New Year and I am happy that I didn't do anywhere for the New Year's Eve and I didn't drank all the alcohol and sweet drinks with tons of calories (I am a bit sick and came home yesterday after a few hours journey and was so exhausted and freezing that I've decided to stay in bed - I might have caught a cold the day before.)
I am more that 5 kilograms lighter than I was last year at the same time :) And since I've started this blog I've lost about 11-12 kilograms, so it looks promising :)
And today (it's only slightly after noon) I've been a little bit naughty and I've ate a small piece of cake with chocolate on it and a few plasters of dried banana (so fatty) but I will do some cycling now and I am planning to do 700 calories to wash off my guilt a little :)
I am more that 5 kilograms lighter than I was last year at the same time :) And since I've started this blog I've lost about 11-12 kilograms, so it looks promising :)
And today (it's only slightly after noon) I've been a little bit naughty and I've ate a small piece of cake with chocolate on it and a few plasters of dried banana (so fatty) but I will do some cycling now and I am planning to do 700 calories to wash off my guilt a little :)
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