59,3

Wohoa. Great. Normally I would jump around a house out of joy, but it doesn't matter any more (at least for now.) I just don't give a fuck right now, it doesn't matter because he can't see me and what is more important I can't see him. And I miss him so much. Last time we saw each other - 6th of January... What the fuck is wrong with me? Guy partly was great and sweet; partly - treated me like a whore and I kind of fall for that...
Not-eating is the only thing that helps me not feeling like a total shit. It kind of gives you a power - not eating, not purging; like other people cannot really hurt you because you're in control (bla bla bla "it's not true" - but it is. As long as feeling is subjective.) I don't wanna fall apart. I cannot afford it mentally. Not now. Not helpless. Not with him. I just wish he hugged me. Kissed me. Made me feel pretty and attractive. Made me feel I am worth something. Made me feel special.
Well, maybe I am not.

60

Yep, finally 60 sharp.
But I don't feel any satisfaction.
Besides, I've been drinking/getting myself stoned constantlu during last 3 days and I don't feel good about it. I also started smoking cigarettes again. I don't have anyone to care about this cause the guy I've been hanging out lately turned out to be a real jerk simply interested in sex and when I had a problem and just wanted to talk to somebody, well... he vanished. Doesn't read my messages on facebook, while he does, not responding, he doesn't text back on my texts ( I mean I'm not some crazy person that stalks him 24/7, although I think about him that much, but this situation lasts you know, for two weeks... like seriously who am I kidding and why am I doing a fool out of myself'; I know he doesn't care its just I care for him not caring...and it sucks and it hurts.) I am an idiot who falls for inappropriate guys, now I am just a 60-kilogram-idiot-who-falls-for-inappropriate-guys.

60,4

Hi:) End of my examination period for now, I weight 60,4kg today which is pretty nice. I haven't enrolled to the gym yet, but I've downloaded application "StepTracker" and I want to just walk for now (wating till my friend comes back from her holidays so we can hit the gym together.) I have so much to do, so many things - lately I simply didn't have time to eat, I hope I won't just sit on my butt and eat now as I have my holidays, that would be awful.
I am trying not to eat bread and sweets (except from lollipops) and it is the third day without binging. I like being busy, I don't feel like crap when I do a lot of stuff and I don't feel the need to binge. Do you binge out of boredom or when you feel hopeless or what? I think this is my case. So for now, I am trying not to binge and walk a lot. And eat little. We'll see how it's gonna work out :)

60,8 again

Hi, I'm in the middle of my examination period (actually tomorrow and the day after I have two last exams but one of them is horrible). I am honestly planning to enroll to the gym once I finish my exam session. Latetly not doing so great with food, I binge once a day usually (but the good thing - it all takes me from 30minutes to 1,5 hour - not 3 or 4 hours like it did. I don't want to waste so much time on food.) Yesterday I went for a walk, it was so nice... I was strolling for more than hour, because it wasn't that freezing (last few days the temperature varied between -10 and -17 degrees Celsius.) Well, I have to go study now, hope that I beat that weight next week. I want to go below 60 kilograms so much!