67 and New Year's Eve

I weigh 67 today. Now. I am still ill, although, I am about to finally finish my antibiotic and hope I will be finally totally fine. I've practically lost the whole last month, lying in bed and doing nothing cause I was so weak. I'm not in the mood to write anything, but this year has passed by so fast, I just wish the next one will go a bit slower and bring some joy and beautiful memories. I just wish 2012 will be better.

 

66,7

Slowly going down... Today is Christmas Eve, so I've decided to do the fast day. It's an old tradition (at least in Poland), rarely practised, but it exists. There's a belief that you should fast all day (to dignify Maria and Josepf's arduous tramp, when they were barefoot and hungry) and eat only a Christmas Dinner, when the whole family is together, but still - you don't eat meat on that day, all the dishes are meatless. And it should be 12 traditional dishes. Many of them contain cabbage, pea, mushrooms and pasta as these are relatively cheap products. Well, enough of that. I won't be having quite traditional dinner this year, so maybe tomorrow I won't be so surprised, stepping on a scale. Merry Christmas!

67 kg

I wish it was less, but as I told you, maybe today will be better. And tomorrow I will weight less. I will avoid white bread. I can't believe that just 3 days ago I was not even 66 kg, it's such a gain in such a short period of time. But, to be honest, I practically do not move. Lately, I don't go for a walk because it's too freezy and I am sick, I don't walk to school because I go everywhere with my friend, who owns a car... I have to change it immediately, I used to walk so much and it's the best exercise ever...

Summarizing

Well, today wasn't such a bad day. I ate approximately 1400 calories, but I didn't binge and I didn't puke. Although, I could spend those calories healthier, I ate a lot of white bread instatn soups. However, I also managed to ate oatmeal (170 cal) , 2 grapefruits (200 cal) and a small apple (50 cal). I've decided that I will try to change everything slowly, 1400 calories is probably too much if we're talking abour a strict diet, but, on the other hand, better this than binging and purging. This is my principle now: to avoid binging. I wrote down EVERYTHING I ate today, including this hopeless white bread-incident, and as I summed it all up - if I have binged and purged I would probably have intaken more calories. Well, I will try to do better tomorrow :)

67,2 and still sick

I thought my ilness was over, it's clearly not. I have to stay t home for another WEEK so I don't know if I go ANYWHERE for New Year's Eve. I must admitt I haven't eaten properly but this is brcause I'm so annoyed and tired... I don't have this hope&power combination crucial to fight your weight and diet... But I'm going to rediscover my zest and start everything over. Once Again. Soon.

65,9

I have to try harder, I miss the moment when I weighed 64,5 kg. 2 weeks till New Year starts.How much can I squeze? I should start learning. So lazy, bitch. I'm in a horrible shape and I should start working on myself. I freeze my facebook account. Mais c'est impossible! I' gonna prepare myself a breakfast and then I have to get down to work. STOP BEING LAZY BITCH OR YOU WON'T GET ANYWHERE. ANYWHERE! Holidays are fucking over, you have to start learning, the exams start in a month!

66,6

I was ill again. And I had my period. And I was sad and ate a lot. I can see that I've gained weight as I look at my hips and thighs. Awful. But no, I have to pull myself together and start fighting again. No more excuses, I have exactly 3 weeks till the end of the year and I want to exploit them as much as I can. And I wanna wear the perfect dress that I WANT on the New Year's Eve, not the one that will FIT me. Even if I am about to stay home alone and watch television, I won't be doing it accompanied by chocolate and chips. NO. Not this year. I HAVE changed. And I AM able to achieve what I want.

Unrealistic Dreams

I got into eating. I eat all day. Every day. Again. Vicious Circle. I know I have to pull myself together because I can't afford losing anymore time, but I just can't find the power in myself to do this...

67,3

I don't know what is happening... I can't fight it... I am defensless when it comes to eating now... I don't understand it, why am I so weak now? I was so strong during those last few weeks and now? What's happening with me?