Tomorrow I have my 19th birthday.
When I come back home I don't want nothing to be the way it was before.
When I come back home I don't want nothing to be the way it was before.
I don't want my life to go in circles of eating and puking and starving and feeling guilty all the time...
I am too weak know and I know that. I don't know what happened to me during last few weeks... I was so strong and doing so well... And now I can't get anything done, like I have lost the hope or something... I start and I quit, I begin and I end as quickly as it is possible... There is no anger in me, there is no POWER, there is just a guilt and hopelessness...
I guess I know when has it started. It was the day I told my two close friends I am a bulimic. And they told me the same about themselves. And that was the day, I chose a failure. I just have lost the will, the power, the hope. Like everything has been taken from me the minute we found out that we are all the same, having the same problems and fighting the same battle. We have also promised that we will be for each other all the time, every time there is a need for this, but I don't want to. I know I am selfish but I just don't want to. It's killing me and it puts me into misery and it takes all energy from me and I just don't want to be like that anymore.
I am too weak know and I know that. I don't know what happened to me during last few weeks... I was so strong and doing so well... And now I can't get anything done, like I have lost the hope or something... I start and I quit, I begin and I end as quickly as it is possible... There is no anger in me, there is no POWER, there is just a guilt and hopelessness...
I guess I know when has it started. It was the day I told my two close friends I am a bulimic. And they told me the same about themselves. And that was the day, I chose a failure. I just have lost the will, the power, the hope. Like everything has been taken from me the minute we found out that we are all the same, having the same problems and fighting the same battle. We have also promised that we will be for each other all the time, every time there is a need for this, but I don't want to. I know I am selfish but I just don't want to. It's killing me and it puts me into misery and it takes all energy from me and I just don't want to be like that anymore.
If I have to abandon them, that's what I will do. It doesn't matter what's anyone else is thinking or what they will think of ME, but they don't know anything. They don't know the truth so their judgement cannot be adequate, it's not exact, because they don't know anything at all...!
I will be 19 years old soon and I don't have much time left to consider other people's opinions.
This year has to be all about me and it will be.
I have to make this year about me and I am READY to do it.
I have to make this year about me and I am READY to do it.
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