66,9

I am fat, yesterday I binged and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I have no control over my weight, I have no control over my body, I have no control over my life. And definitely, I have no money. Last few days - I have spent the terryfying amount of money on food. Now the birthdays of my friends are coming up and I don't even have money to buy them presents. Moreover, I borrowed them money and I guess they are not willing to pay me back. So called friends. And when it comes to shopping or whatever - also, I'm the one to buy and pay for everything. And they are active only when it is about them crushing the party they weren't invited to with me (so I'm the one to blame if the host gets angry). And I'm so fucking angry and pissed because it turned out I can't study the second major, because my parents can't afford it :) And for my best friend, it's like - a pair of shoes every month; maybe not even that ;) Literally, monthly cost of my studies is equivalent to 4, average-priced Zara dresses (or 8 plain shirts). And what, what can I do? Even if I find a job, then I wouldn't be able to study because I won't have time. It is so, so disheartening.