66,8

Yesterday was such a fail... I binged twice, don't know why. The first time - I was dissapointed, I ate because of boredom and sadness, but the second time - I don't know why, I just couldn't stop myself. I didn't THINK, it was like the old times, when I just couldn't think while doing it, like this animal instinct, nothing else matters... I was thinking about doing some cleanse today, but I'm not sure anymore. I feel like such a failure, such a loser, I've lost a faith in myself. Yesterday, despite of the fact that I binged (the first time) I still felt good, I felt quite wonderful I would say. And I went to the party, and didn't drink, ate some watermelon and was really proud of myself, but then I came home and...  After that, I've lost all respect for myself. I feel so worthless, I wish I weren't living. And there is no one beside me.