Bed

I haven't posted in a while because I've been sick and staying in bed and I've gained almost 2kg but I didn't want to write about it, as I find it discouraging to the others! However, today I'm almost perfectly fine and I have to run some errands but I promise to get a grip on myself and train and stick with a diet and as soon as I see any improvment I will write about it- so keep strong while I will be fighting to meet our joint expectations! See you very soon!

64,4

I have been in Germany for two days and I came back with a tons of gummys. Harribo Cherries, the best gummys ever. I walked a lot for those two days and didn't eat a lot, so I weigh a little less. I would have weighed even less, but yesterday when I came home I ate a looooot of weird stuff, I practically binged (but I managed almost 6 days without it) and I purged, but of course not all of it. But still, I am quite satisfied with my weight this morning. In the evening I am going to the theatre where this amazing, beautiful girl will be... I am fascinated with her. I don't know the last time  I met someone this compelling... Of course it doesn't mean anything, I mean for real, but still... All the guys that I have met and that I've been fancing for last few years... they cannot even be compared to her. She has this... glowing radiance. So beautiful! Brunette with blue eyes, can you imagine? Every guy would fall for it.

65,9

Yep, I am twenty years old now. Nothing really changed, although it was a sad birthday, because none of the people who I counted on has called. My best friend, with whom I had like 10-year-long friendship/relationship didn't even bother to text me, and on my birthday he would always call. He was the one to throw me a 18th birthday party, he was the one to buy me the most beautiful birthday present on the world, he was the one to come to me on my birthday when I was alone... And yesterday I was so, so alone, and he didn't even send me a message via Facebook, while I did see him online. It was like the saddest day in many, many days, months or even a years. If he doesn't care enough to wish me happy birtday, then what have we left?

66,3 and @

Yeah, I have a "visitor". Great, considering that today I am supposed to go to the theatre and was about to wear a fair dress. And now I have to go to work, I've been working quite hard this week cause I am going away for the next one and had to "make up" those hours. Yeah, fucking fucking job. I am so tired. Yesterday I went for a walk, like the first time in a week or so. And now I'm bloated and in a crappy mood. And have to work for the next 5 hours, it will be a disaster. I wanted to go to this performance with my new friend, but he stood me up, so I got no one left to invite and have to go alone, this is so sad. And he didn't even bother to call me. Shiiiiiiiiit. I hate my life. I want to be treated with some kind of respect. Do I have to be skinny to earn it?

65,8

Yesterday I didn't eat almost the whole day and then I binged... :( I ate practically everything that was in the fridge - chicken breast with some rice, a small bowl of salad, my mom's birthday cake (2 big pieces), my grandma's chocolate cake, sausages, 2 huge rolls, and the whole plate of

dumplings. My stomach really hurt, so I did what a normal person would do after consuming this amount of food... Fuckin' fat fucker. And few days ago I had an idea about making impression on my ex-male-friends. Maybe  I will  improve someday.

 

 

65,3

Yesterday I had a party, so I didn't eat practically all day in order to be able to fit into nice dress in the evening. I ate like 4 pieces of roll and some lettuce with tomatoes and sauce along with 3 or 4 mugs of coffee with 1,5% milk

At the party I drank white white, I think 2/3 of the bottle. And I didn't do anything embarassing! I smoked a lot, but who didn't; I came home around 4 o'clock and I decided to go for a jogg. Not very long, not very challenging, but still a run. I did some workout before going to sleep!

I know that today's number on a scale is probably just an effect of dehydration, but still - it gives me motivation and faith in myself, so I am pretending that I actually do weigh 65,3kg ;)
And going for a breakfast, omnomnom.

66,7

It looks like I'm stucked again. Yesterday I was at work all day and when I got home I just went straight to bed. The day before- the same thing. I didn't have time to run or walk or train or anything and still - I am just exhausted. I have to do some boring work for my internship and I have to clean my room and I have a party later, I have to go buy some alcohol, I was supposed to meet up with my friend... And what I'm actually  doing is sitting in my bed, watching The L Word. Like pretending the life without the man is what I am longing, no kidding. I think I am a bit lost again. Wonder if I ever be slim and able to fit in any pretty dress or skinny jeans or short skirt or revealing top and be confident.